It Was All A Trap: From One Dysfunctional Home To The Next.
Be careful who you accept “help” from, especially if the person in question has a religious agenda.
At first, I didn’t think I could write this comfortably because it would be practically throwing the people who gave me a place to stay under the bus. But with the grotesque things that were condoned, not only to me but to another person under their roof, this isn’t a matter to stay silent on.
My stay was far from the “Rainbow Land” that my friend, Brenna, led me to believe, and this article will be going into what went wrong there. I will discuss how it appeared, how it actually was, and then the fallout of how everything that came to be.
The Allure of Paradise.
If you read my initial article, “How I Escaped My Abusive And Manipulative Parents”, then you would have probably taken note that I was offered a place to stay thanks to a friend and their folks. When I asked “what was the catch?“, the sole condition of my stay was being able to feed myself and nothing more. In fact, my patreon goals are made taking that wholly into mind.
And with just focusing on food, I could focus on advancing my artistic career with my brand and this website.
When I had arrived at their home, the exact words from Breanna who invited me was that I could stay “as long as I needed“.
When I got there, I was welcomed by her, and then her mother. It would all seem well. The mother called me by my name (at first), but then she asked for my deadname, and me not being able to tell people ‘no’, I stupidly told her. However, I didn’t want to think much of it, as I thought it would be respectful enough to let her know, right? Even though after she said she’ll…”pray for [my deadname]“.
My stay seemed even more welcomed by the parents treating me to KFC meals alongside their daughter.
The sister of Breanna, who I will refer to as ‘Sister A‘, was the most selfless and caring in the home. You could ask her for help and she would offer it without a second thought. Even when her little kids (ages four and five) would damage or interfere with things of mine, I was never really bothered about it because she did her best to keep them in line.
And most importantly, she tried her best to refer to me by my appropriate pronouns and even went as far as getting her kids to try to use my correct pronouns and name. Literally the only person there that makes me sad to write this article.
This is why as someone who studied as a teacher for three years before my abrupt withdrawal from college, I offered my talents to teach the kids if need be as compensation for my stay.
Breanna’s mother would also talk about my situation with her colleagues, which in turn led to them asking if they could help. It was only once but one of them did give me cash, which I used to purchase food.
So far, it was going pretty well I would say. However, this “paradise” would begin to show its true colours in due time.
To my readers, you may want to hold on to something; This is going to get really rough.
Trouble in Paradise.
In total, there are over ten people in the household, most of them being legal adults. Big family, which also means big problems.
Pushing of Religion and Transphobia.
Whenever I went to talk to Breanna’s mother, she would always find a way to include “God” in whatever we were talking about.
I told her I wasn’t religious, so she probably took this an excuse to push her beliefs onto me. From the beginning, she claimed that she doesn’t push religion on me, yet this clearly wasn’t the case.
Breanna’s mother would constantly use ‘he/him’ pronouns. I asked her to stop, and she said she “would try”.
She never did.
But if that was just it, it would be tolerable, but it wasn’t. She also kept referring to me as a ‘male‘, saying she gravitates towards males more (referring to being a mother figure).
She also tried to get an understanding to “why I’m trans”. She told me I can only change who I am on the outside, implying that I’ll never be a girl. When I told her “I’m changing the outside to reflect what’s on the inside”, she refuted it entirely, not adhering to anything I said.
Take note that Breanna never mentioned her mother would do or say any of what her mother was doing.
Her mother would also always talk about her gay friend she was scared for every night he went home (Barbados is highly anti-LGBT with our cultural-religious dominance), but we all know the “I have a black friend, I can’t be racist argument” doesn’t fly.
One of Sister A’s sons took it upon himself to steal money from me.
This wasn’t just any money, this was money I was going to use to purchase medication. Breanna told me of a ‘thief’ being in the house, but it happened so quickly that I wanted to doubt that someone in the house would do something like that to me, a complete stranger.
But it was true, money was stolen from me. I had my suspicions as well because the very first time I came there, this person literally took and unplugged my controller from my computer without even asking. I only woke up to see him using it to play his game. What also solidified this was that he saw me brought groceries up to my Breanna’s room, where I was staying.
To the family’s credit though, Breanna’s mother talked to him about it, although that was pretty much it. It amazes me because this same person has repeatedly stolen things in the past from the family and took things up without asking. The fact that they have kept him around in their home is just baffling and stupid, family or not.
Also, this wouldn’t be the last time he would steal from me. He would also take food and anything they saw that they wanted from me without permission. Later on, I was told by my Breanna’s mother to tell his mother because she has “no control”, though it sounded more like she didn’t want to bother.
However to the son’s credit, at least he respected me more than Breanna’s mother did. He would call me by name, even after hearing my deadname spoken by Breanna’s mother on multiple occasions and was actually surprisingly very nice to me despite his “bad boy” persona.
Was it just a ploy to get things from me when he needed to ask? Most likely, but it was good that at least he respected me as much as he did.
There was another sister though, Sister B, who was pretty much the opposite of Sister A. She seemed ‘okay’ at first, but I would learn later that she’s quite hostile for no reason. I would also learn she’s pretty selfish in terms of making sure no one can use anything that belongs to her. For example, she would make her mother pay her just to use some of her cooking oil.
This would only get worse when you realise that Sister B is pretty religious and would purposefully not call my name and misgender me. A good number of times I didn’t even notice she would be talking to me because she didn’t want to call my name at all.
She also yelled at someone for giving her boy child a pink lunch box, meaning she has a constructivist gender norm mindset that links to homophobia.
Broken Agreement: Asking to pay utilities.
Remember when Breanna told me that the only thing I had to worry about was providing food for myself? Yeah, it was a lie.
At first, we talked about my resource usage, which was very understandable. The utility bills had increased and they wanted to cut it down.
Their water system sadly lacked a heater, and since I was used to hot/warm water, I needed to adjust my body to the water by using more water than I usually would. I cut back on the electricity since I used my computer for both work and personal reasons. I would use my tablet and phone instead to reduce electricity usage. I even offered to pay for the difference in me being there, as I was working on an art job.
This wasn’t enough though, as I was later asked to pay a “rent” fee. They wanted $200BBD ($100USD) for me being there, and Breanna knowing about this, didn’t tell me anything about it as I was told by her mother instead.
In fact, when I was approached to pay $50 ($25USD), I thought it was per month. It would be later clarified that she meant per week.
It was a complete 180 from the initial promise. And they were asking for this, in addition to being able to provide food for myself. It wasn’t like I was getting paid a huge sum either from my art job.
The cherry on the cake was that Breanna was so convinced of her mother being ‘holier than thou’, despite being told the following after she said her mother “will understand”:
Oh, but we’re not done yet. It gets even better:
Taking advantage of the vulnerable.
I wasn’t the only person there seeking “shelter”.
Remember Sister A’s son that stole from me? He has a girlfriend, who is abused at home by her mother and comes to this family to escape that. She has a baby and was asked to pay the same $200BBD as me and she doesn’t even live there. It’s much fairer to say that she visits there instead as she would only stay for half the week on average.
It never sat well with me and it has always upset me that Breanna’s mother could ask that of her. When I told my psychiatrist about it, she argued that tenants pay the same amount regardless of circumstance, but this isn’t a f**king hotel, this is a religious family who should know better!
She definitely doesn’t need the stress of thinking about paying someone else’s bills! What’s even sadder is that the girl is also emotionally abused by her boyfriend.
Seeing that she was in a similar situation to me, I offered whatever I had to her. All she had to do was ask and I would give without a second thought in my mind. In fact, even now, she has my 3DS system with Pokemon Sun which I can confidently leave in her care. She needs it more than me right now considering what’s on her mind.
The Real Thoughts of Breanna’s Father.
Something I wasn’t told at all was that Breanna’s father did not like that I was transgender. And when I say that, I mean she COMPLETELY OMITTED that important fact that anyone in her family wouldn’t be comfortable with my “lifestyle”.
How did I find this out? Having lost complete faith in Breanna’s mother, I found out when I actually went to talk to her father about being asked for money, despite being initially told that I previously only had to afford food.
He’s a very humble man, and I respect him greatly because he offered me food most of my time there, but he’s religious and anti-LGBT. He was very polite to me, but it was clear that deep down my “lifestyle” bothered him.
All I did was prompted a question and he went on a long semi-rant that included homophobia and transphobia. Let’s make a list of what he said:
- He said it “hurt him” to see me in a skirt.
- He said he would feel as though he would have “failed” if his child was transgender.
- He said that “God doesn’t make mistakes”.
- He said that no matter what I change, I will never change the inside.
- He said he would be thankful for “just having to pay $200”.
- He was baffled about how I could like girls despite changing my gender.
- He never uses my name, he always uses my deadname because that’s apparently what I am to him.
- He talked about how I would never have a period and so on.
- Tried challenging me to “change his mind”, even though we both knew there was nothing I could say to make him change his mind.
And my favourite part of all was that he said if Breanna was a lesbian, he would feel as though he would have “failed”.
Interesting enough, Breanna is bisexual and she has a boyfriend. This means she obviously doesn’t have to deal with any of downsides of being a gay individual.
How very convenient for her.
Unfortunately, something I didn’t expect was that living in the household would increase my depression. It became worse when you realise that my anti-depressants weren’t working as strongly as they should and my psychiatrist was away for three months (although I would later find out that wasn’t the case and something had gone wrong).
Everything above just added to my state of mind which escalated things even further.
The Facebook Fallout.
One thing happened that confirmed everything:
One day I would overhear Breanna’s mother discussion with her family about trans people. And wow, it was one of the most grotesque forms of transphobia I have ever personally come across.
Breanna’s mother talked about how trans people transition just to rape women and went on to talk about how they would “never be able to change who they are on the inside“. She would also voice her disgust about trans women who identify as lesbians, saying it makes no sense at all and that it doesn’t work that way.
Take note that she said all of this knowingly housing me, a trans person, under her roof. This wasn’t the only time this happened either: She also voiced her disdain by saying she does not like that gay people are shoving their lifestyle in their faces. It’s funny that she says this, yet had no problem pushing her religious beliefs on me after I told her that I wasn’t religious.
And that was it. I lost it. It reflected everything I experienced at my old home. Why did I even go there if I was just going to experience the same bigotry as my old home?
Breanna and her mother weren’t being honest with me, and there wasn’t anyone I could really talk to so I use one of the most self-destructive methods I knew to get clarity:
I called her family out in a Facebook post.
I would later be approached by her and her family. They started out by asking when I’m leaving and went onto attack me for what I did, almost not giving me a second to speak up for myself.
But it gets better: They start telling me that they had indeed told me certain things, which I had no memory of. It was strange because my memory is usually very detailed, despite my brain farts. And with that, they made me think I was wrong by saying that I probably don’t remember another chat they had about me getting paid, to which I did remember that conversation.
They really did convince me of those things in a fit to defend themselves. And I believed it all like an idiot, thinking I was wrong. I even got frustrated.
When defending themselves about pushing religion me, Breanna’s mother said “I don’t punch religion on you! I push God on you!”. As one of my friends would say, “I don’t see how anyone can push God without also pushing religion.”
Breanna’s mother yelled at me saying “I don’t want your money!”, and yet it was she who asked for it in the first place. She also attacked me for wanting to prioritise spending money to change my name (it’s pretty expensive here, costing $100USD plus). She said she wasn’t trying to stop me from getting my name change due to her beliefs, but it’s clearly evident that she thinks it isn’t important all. It’s a good thing I didn’t tell her I was on hormones as I’m sure she wouldn’t want me spending my money on them either.
Oh, something else is really funny: They were trying to tell me, a trans person, that they’re not transphobic. Imagine that, a cis person telling a trans person that what they do isn’t transphobic.
Breanna made accusations against me in a lengthy Facebook comment of her’s [Link here for those who need to see]. I’m not leaving any stone unturned so I got a friend to help me dissect if what she said is valid, or just straight-up lies as she has been doing before I came there. This friend is someone I know that I can trust to call me out on anything I did that may seem wrong, so it was crucial that they helped me review this.
Breanna: “FIRST things first I saw that you were in a bad situation and open up my house to you so that you don’t end up homeless and on the streets even though things are tight here already.”
Reality: I find it hilarious how she never mentioned the financial situation of her family at all before my arrival there. In fact, I didn’t even know things the way they were until a few days after getting there. You could argue that the condition of ‘being able to feed myself‘ was a hint, but that’s a given no matter who you stay with.
Breanna: “When you came here in person both me and my mom stated you are more than welcome to stay here until you get yourself sorted out.. in terms of getting a job, finding some place to stay, moving to overseas where it would be better for you or whatever it was that you were looking to do that you were not able to do back at home no matter how long that may have taken. I said you wouldn’t have to worry about anything other than feeding yourself during that time. It seems you only latched onto everything BUT the part where we stated until you got yourself sorted out.”
Reality: This was a lie, for the most part at least. Breanna offered a place for me to stay, and when I got there she said I can “stay as long as I needed”. There was no other agreement at all, and surely there was none about moving overseas!
And you know how I know she didn’t add anything about “getting a job”? Ignoring the fact that I do freelance work, I would have mentioned the difficulty of getting one here as a trans individual. Breanna makes it out as though trans people get jobs easily, but as my friend said, even cis people have trouble getting work. In fact, it sounds as though she wanted me to de-transition to find work, which would make no sense considering I left my home to get away from doing just that and pursuing my art career.
Breanna: “My parents have offered you food, so has my sister people who barely have much to give. YOU have been purposely starving yourself which has worried everyone even my father someone that I was shocked to see to even approach you but at the same time I know my parents anyone who I’m cool with theyre cool with.”
Reality: Yes, they offered me food and I accepted. Breanna makes this look like they had no choice to do so, which is just wrong. Yes, there were a couple of times I didn’t have anything to eat so I went without or even asked for a small snack out of desperation, but this rarely happened. As for the purposefully starving myself, I did indeed starve myself to self-harm, but again Breanna makes this seem as though I did it get it free food, which is a blatant lie.
And if I knew they were going to use that as a manipulation tactic to say that ‘they give me food’, I would have told them to keep it and willingly starve.
Also, you see how she has only now mentioned that her father was “shocked” to even approach me? That was the very first time she mentioned anyone in her family having a problem with me being there. She made it out to be that her family was all-accepting when in reality, they were not.
As my teacher has taught me “Just because they tolerate you, doesn’t mean they accept you” (Referring to racism).
Breanna: “For 3 months they have been doing this and for 3 months they have watched sit on the computer playing games watching movies and spending long hours in the bedroom or/and the shower. Nowhere did they see any part of progress of you moving forward with your life in terms of financially.”
Reality: For 3 months? lmao, I afforded my own food 90% of the time I was there and you know that because you’ve shopped with me on more than one occasion. She makes it seem as though her family was feeding me all of my stay there. As iMart can attest, I’m a regular customer there as I purchased my food every one or two weeks.
The fact that she attacked me for playing games or watching movies is hilarious because it seems like she just wanted me to do nothing to relax or enjoy myself while I was there. Don’t forget I was also doing freelance work, so I was using my own computer for work. When it came to gaming, I streamed to promote the website on Mixer or used it as a way to calm my anxiety as I have been doing for years.
And even if that wasn’t the case, we talked and resolved this matter already, so Breanna clearly brought this up to make it seem as though I was just lazing around. I don’t see her pointing out the fact that when she’s not out partying with friends, she spends most of her time at her boyfriend’s or watching Netflix all day.
When we had a discussion, I agreed I would reduce my usage of utilities and that I would even pay for the difference in electricity if need be. But this wasn’t enough for her mother, because she wanted me to pay a sum I could not afford. It was either pay the $200 or else.
Irony: I was actually filling out a job application, on the very day the Facebook Fallout occurred, for an NGO I worked for. Unfortunately, I didn’t get the job, but I was indeed looking for job opportunities. Though she wouldn’t have known that because she was too busy scrutinising me instead of her own actions. There was another job I applied for as a writer that my ex-girlfriend recommended to me, but I suspect they didn’t respond because I was trans.
Breanna: “The whole notion about paying utilities imma say this in bajan.. AINT NUH BODY WANT YOU PAY THEM BILLS BOUT HAY.”
Reality: And yet, your mother asked me to pay that ‘rent’ fee. If she didn’t want anyone paying her bills, she would not have brought up paying $50 a week for my time there when the agreement was that I just pay for my own food, so don’t you f**king dear make it seem like that wasn’t the case!
Breanna: “she would ask everyone EVERY-ONE to contribute in helping with the bills.” you expect to take hour long showers and spend more than half a day on a computer and on your devices and contribute $10 to bills while coming on here talking about having a job and buying gifts for friends”
Reality: Did she really ask everyone? I don’t know honestly, because she kept that from me just like she has about everything else.
But now for the part that really pissed me off. I didn’t even know what she was talking about when she mentioned me “buying gifts for friends” until I had to think really hard about it: She was referring to post where I wanted to buy one of my best friends a present for helping me out.
Who is this best friend? Oh, nothing, he’s just the person that was making sure I WAS ABLE TO AFFORD F#@KING FOOD! So yeah, I wanted to give him a token of appreciation for literally keeping me alive. This pissed me off a lot because he has treated me like family much more so than Breanna and her mother! He is a saviour and I don’t respect anyone attacking me for wanting to show him my appreciation!
Sincerely go fuck yourself.
The job she’s also talking about is the art job that she knows about because we discussed it. I was commissioned for a one-time pay job for an NGO. We got funding much later than I expected, and I didn’t even get paid not until some days after writing this post.
Breanna: “Now in terms of the stuff being broken.. honestly there is no one to blame but yourself. We have explained to you time and time again DO NOT give the little children your things.. they are young they’re still learning. When my niece’s broke your selfie stick my sister offered to buy it back and asked about the price. You getting on here acting like if they broke it and had some evil menacing laugh or some shit. ”
Reality: Out of all the things here, she’s right about this one. I let my emotions got the better of me and yeah, I kinda made it sound worse than it was. My bad. It didn’t bother me too much when things got broken, but these were things I forgot that the kids would get their hands on. Yes, I can confirm that her sister did offer to buy it, and even though that never went through, I appreciate that she did.
Breanna: “The situation about stuff being stolen we talked about that too and it was getting sorted out.”
Reality: You mean like how you accused me using utilities willy-nilly even though I offered to pay the difference in electricity? That kind of “sorted out”? I’m more upset at that fact that your mother knowingly houses a thief despite him stealing countless things from you all already. That should have never happened in the first place.
Breanna: “No one here has attacked you or your gender NOR has anyone tried to push religion at you so let’s get that bs straight. And my mom told you that she aint looking to push it at you since day one…”
Reality: I’ve already talked a lot in this post about how this wasn’t the case at all. Breanna is excusing her family’s transphobic behaviour because it wasn’t abusive (yet).
Breanna: “but let this be known this her house she pays the bills she pays the mortgage she can SAY WHATEVER THE HELL SHE WANTS IN HER OWN HOUSE that is her bloody well right!”
Reality: I don’t even need to say anything here because she practically just killed her entire argument on her own. Apparently, because her mother owns the home, that automatically gives her the right to abuse me both physically and mentally. In this instance, Breanna herself has confirmed that her family can do whatever they want to me because I’m in their domain.
Imagine arguing this to a judge: “Your honour, yes, my client did rape the victim, but the victim was in their home! My client had every right to do so!”
Breanna, you’re an idiot and I hope other people see through the horseshit you’re trying to cover up for your family.
Breanna: “Has my mother find it as a problem for you wearing makeup? No! has she had a problem with you wearing female clothing? NO! has my mother sacrificed feeding hereself to feed you ? Yes. Has she asked friends at work to assist you? Yes. but because she is a christian by default she is transphobic right? absolutely fuckery (excuse my french)”
Reality: As I asked my friend, should those have been a problem in the first place? The answer is an obvious ‘no’. You portrayed your family as being trans-friendly when they clearly weren’t. You’re a liar and you’re deceitful, and not once have you ever owned up to any of your wrongdoings.
One last thing: Breanna argued that no one in her family says anything personal about my family, pretty much ignoring the fact that 1) Her mother has told her colleagues and husband about what my parents did to me, so she’s lying there too and 2) Whether or not they did, I’m dead to most of my family so I’m open to just about anything they do. And lastly, 3) Breanna would only say that if her family has something to hide.
Want to know fun facts about my family?
- One of my uncles has abused every wife he has ever married.
- Another one of my uncles is rich from being a doctor, yet he pretends his own son in Florida doesn’t exist.
- My mother uses my father for every cent he has until he’s broker than broke.
- My father has called me ‘freak’ and other words no child should ever hear their father call them.
The post wasn’t really meant to make them hate me, it was to see what they had to say to defend themselves, but they did hate me and I got gaslighted to the point that I believed I had everything wrong.
So to that, I tried to apologise as soon as possible.
Note: Breanna told her aunt about everything and purposefully gave me the phone to let her aunt attack me.
I went to sincerely apologise for what I did, but not because I wanted to, but because I had to. I tried to make things right so we all had gathered for a “big talk”. It was the first time I cried since having my ex yell at me.
But despite it all, the family would continue to say things that bothered me.
Breanna‘s mother would compare her abuse to mine, making it feel as though what I experienced was nothing compared to hers. A dangerous mindset to have no doubt, as saying you had worse abuse doesn’t justify belittling the abuse of others.
She would go on to talk down the LGBT community to defend herself, stating that they’re homophobic towards their own. She talked about lesbians not liking gays for example, and she would also accuse the community of taking advantage of their own.
There is an issue here in Barbados where a trans child wanted to wear their appropriate girls uniform for their school. Breanna‘s mother objected to this because she saw the child using it as some sort of excuse, claiming she shouldn’t want to because of her sexuality and saying she’s using it to just get into the girl’s room.
Take note that since I came there, Breanna’s mother hasn’t said one single good thing about anyone in the LGBT community. She excuses this behaviour by justifying that she’s attacking their actions and not the community itself.
She also seems to think she knows better than my doctor because she sees anti-depressants as this evil drug that makes you suicidal, so she didn’t want me taking them.
Breanna’s father would object to me not believing in God, asking if I believe we “evolved from apes’. Nonetheless, I also apologise to him because I said if I knew that he wasn’t comfortable with my stay, I wouldn’t have worn my regularly feminine clothes around him, but he said he doesn’t want to force to me do anything.
After I seemed to have patched things up with the family by apologising, it would seem as though everything would be okay again.
Haha, oh, how wrong I was.
It didn’t matter.
Breanna’s father had forgiven me quickly, an admirable trait I admit, however the same couldn’t be said for Breanna and her mother.
Even though I apologised to Breanna, she saw me as “dead” because I attacked her mother. She was trying to convince herself that she forgave me, but she clearly hated me now.
Actually she hated me so much that she thought I did what I did out of jealousy, and while I did say I was jealous, it wasn’t the reason for why I did what I did. I told them at the apology that I distanced myself from her because of jealousy, but Breanna just heard what she wanted to hear and ran with it.
Irony: We were also talking about forgiveness that night, and her mother said forgiveness means nothing if you’re just saying it for saying it sake.
And while I thought her mother had forgiven me, it would turn out that wasn’t the case as she would, later on, get very hostile.
After the fallout, she would continue to deadname me, knowing that I didn’t like it. Breanna knew about this and didn’t say anything, practically condoning her mother’s actions just like she condoned everything else.
Friend: “Friend or not, if [Breanna] gave a damn about trans people and how important their identities are, and knowing the sheer disrespect her mother was showing to a trans person’s identity, she had a right to step in and say something. Not only is she not your friend, but she is clearly transphobic by way of her passive neutrality.”
Remember how Breanna was twisting the narrative to make it seem like her parents were going out of their way to feed me when they had, in fact, actually offered me food instead? Yeah, turns out that after the incident, they stopped offering me food altogether, whether I was starving or not. In fact, I had to call my aunt (who I hadn’t spoken to in a very long time) to get me food because they were busy making meals and ignoring me outright.
So much for their “Christian” values, right?
Breanna’s mother would also not care if things were stolen from me. I’m still missing a controller and when I asked about it, they just claimed that they didn’t know about it.
Sister B got even more hostile than before, barely communicating with me. When I asked Breanna’s mother if Sister B hated me, she acted like she didn’t know what I was talking about.
At least Sister A was the same as before, but it’s a given that she’s quick to forgive considering how very warm and welcoming she is.
Now let’s get into the final act of this saga.
“I Am Altering The Deal, Pray That I Don’t Alter It Any Further”.
My plan was initially to leave the household by the end of September. At first, I was doing it because I didn’t think it would be fair to Breanna that I was there when she hated me the way she did, so I moved out of her room and slept on the couch for the rest of my stay there (after she put my stuff out of her room so I couldn’t sleep next to her).
However, because of my aunt’s sudden departure overseas for two weeks, I had to buy some time.
At the end of September, I was reassured by both Breanna’s mother and father that I didn’t have to pay anything when I do leave (this is important, remember this). So when it came time for me to extend my stay just a little longer, I agreed that I would indeed compensate them for my extra time there, so I would pay the $200 for the month I was staying.
However, things got more interesting when Breanna’s mother added extra “rules” for my stay. She said I could not wear “tight clothing”, meaning I wasn’t allowed to wear my feminine clothes.
Imagine that, I was allowed to wear my female clothes all this time, and now suddenly it was a problem for them. Breanna’s mother was noticeably angry for some reason, so I just agreed thinking she wasn’t serious.
Remember Breanna being “trans-friendly”? She let her mother get away with forcing me not to wear my usual clothes because of course, she didn’t care about me anymore, so any mistreatment toward me was fine in her books.
And no, it wasn’t because of the father either, because he made it clear that he wouldn’t force me to do anything I didn’t want to.
Oh, but this isn’t done yet.
A few days later, Breanna would approach me asking me for the money for last month, to which I didn’t know what she was talking about. I told her I was just paying for the month I was staying extra here, but she said she’ll talk about it later with her mother (since she was leaving for a while).
Being obviously confused and frustrated, I couldn’t believe they were asking for even more money than I had. I wasn’t even paid yet for my art job, and even then, that would cost me my entire paycheck.
I went to clarify with the mother by asking her what was going on, and oh boy, you have to see this for yourself:
The message was so hate-filled that I could only reply “oh wow ._.”
I was working on escaping that house for a while, however, my contacts didn’t really have many options for me, so I was left with a lot of uncertainties.
But that didn’t matter anymore: My time there was up. I was in danger now.
I contacted my (former) boss from the NGO I worked for and he arranged everything at the last minute. He picked me up shortly after with all of my things, leaving the home just like I did with my abusive parents.
Unfortunately, my plan of going to my aunt fell through because of other outside factors.
I’m not going to lie to you: I was scared out of my mind. For the first time since leaving my parents, I was facing the real threat of homelessness; kicked out by the same people who supposedly offered me a better life. Ha, I’m pretty sure my mother would laugh at my misery if she knew.
My former boss, and also a long-time friend, reassured me everything was going to be okay. Honestly, I wasn’t sure if to believe him.
At one point during my stay at that home, I even considered going back to my abusive parents, as it would seem better than fighting just to get something to eat, but my friends brought me to the reality that it would only make things worse.
I stood there in the LGBT safe space, anxiety maxed out and wondering what my next step in life would be. Later that day, someone would arrive to accommodate me at their place, my now current roommate: Jay.
Where am I am now?
I have to be honest: My time with Jay has been one of the best times of my life. We have a lot of things in common like anime, gaming and rock music, so we’ve become awesome buds. And he is just all around super nice. His aura is just so filled with happiness and warmth, similar to Sister A.
I’m also being helped with finding work and helping Jay around the house wherever I can.
There’s an apartment I can eventually move into once I acquire the finance, but if I’m being honest again, I love spending time with Jay so much that I would rather be his roommate for the rest of my time here, haha.
And y’all! He has Smash Bros and Mario Kart on Switch! Holy shit!
Don’t get me wrong though, despite the awful trouble I was given, I’m still grateful for my time at Breanna’s place. I learned a lot of things and I probably wouldn’t be here if not for them.
Friend: “Why take in people when you can barely manage? I give points to [Alexa] for this. As she said, she knew she couldn’t handle it. And simply said no”.
You know when my mother threatened to kick me out, I wasn’t kicked out right away. Sure I was still getting abused, but at least I didn’t have to worry about feeding myself (even though I do suspect they were trying to intentionally starve me one time).
It made no sense for Breanna to invite me from a bad situation into an even worse situation because she wanted to be a “good chrisitian”. Whether it was for her ego or because she really wanted to help, the truth is, forcing her family onto me or me onto her family only made things worse for everyone involved.
Friend: “These folks are clearly trying to run some kind of nightmare hotel for their own profit (whether monetary or mental “going to heaven” goodwill points). They can’t even govern themselves properly. It baffles me to think that they saw themselves fit to house someone in need when they clearly are in need of help themselves“.
I thought hard about if to make this article. Am I doing it out of anger? Partly, yes, but when I realise that these “Christian” people could do the same thing to others as they have done to me, then it comes to a point where stuff like this has to be done to make sure they don’t make anyone else suffer in the future.
To Breanna: You love your mother so much that you just don’t care what she does to anyone, whether it’s right or wrong, and apparently only you are allowed to criticise her. You condoned a lot of transphobic behaviour from her that I suffered, just because it was her. You are not an ally. You have become as much as a monster as you are your mother as you have willing facilitated her disgusting behaviour.
And then you want to accuse people of being ‘manipulative’ when you yourself are so lying and deceitful? You make your family out to be saints when they’re clearly not, and when someone has to call them out because they’re not what you portrayed them to be, you get angry.
I gave you the chance to defend your family and you turned around and used that to gaslight me into believing things that never happened, just to save face. You are indeed the most manipulative person here and I can’t believe I considered you a sister. Not only are you dishonest, but you are a severe danger to anyone in the LGBT community you associate with.
You can kiss your mother’s ass all you want by giving her a “free pass”, but while loyalty is a valuable trait, it doesn’t go well with willful ignorance. I once thought highly of you because you defended me against one of your transphobic friends, but then I came to your home only to find out you condone that same behaviour from your parents.
If you’re curious about what happened next, you should read my interview with Duna Haller on Comic Watch. <3
Comic Watch Pride: Thriving From Abuse Through Art: An Interview With Bethania Arts
Wow, this was horrific. Thankyou for writing about your experience. I’m really glad you’re somewhere better now.
You’re welcome! <3 And thank you! While I am working on the essay about what happened after, I did have an interview with Comic Watch if you want to know the latest about my life: https://comic-watch.com/news/comic-watch-pride-thriving-from-abuse-through-art-an-interview-with-bethania-arts